a malaysian abroad

Ah, sunny California!  From all the songs about it, you might think its name is actually Calluh-for-nye-ay, but according to Ahnuld the Governator, it’s Cah-lee-for-nyah. Whatever works for you… after all, isn’t this one of the most liberal anything-goes states?  Although you might not think so, what with that Proposition 8 fiasco last year…

MS Office Clip Art

Moving on…

First let’s just establish where California is located in relation to the other states in the United States of America.  In this case, California is one of the states on the West Coast, and thus has the mighty Pacific Ocean at its 840 mile coastline to the west.  To the north is Oregon, to the east is Nevada, to the south east is Arizona, and to the south is the Mexican state of Baja California.

MS Office Clip Art

So… stereotypes… where to begin?! California is where the Rodney King beating sparked race riots, where the OJ Simpson car chase occurred while the entire nation watched the drama unfold on their tv screens. California is also land of earthquakes, land of illegal Mexican immigrants, land of the Gold Rush, land of sexual freedom. Land of really high cost of living. The Golden Gate Bridge.  Giant redwoods.  Hollywood.  Adopted home of the Governator himself, Arnold Schwarzenegger!

California is also perhaps the longest state in the USA. There are drastic differences between various regions, and I don’t just mean in terms of climate!

Here are some clues for you to know you’re living in NoCal / San Francisco / the Bay Area when …:

… you make over $100,000 and still can’t afford a house
… you’ve been to more than one baby shower that has two mothers and a sperm donor
… you assume every company offers domestic partner benefits
… a man walks on MUNI in full leather regalia and crotchless chaps. You don’t notice.
… a woman walks on MUNI with live poultry. You don’t notice.
… your hairdresser is straight, your plumber is gay, the woman who delivers your mail is straight and your Mary Kay Lady is a guy in drag.

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That covers quite a bit of the sexual permissiveness/freedom, and ghastly high cost of living associated with Northern California. Then of course, there’s SoCal… Read on to see an awesome all-in-one piece of humour that captures the stereotypes of people in the greater Los Angeles area…I’ve only taken an excerpt, but it more than does the job already…!

Greater Los Angeles Area Driver’s License Application Name: _______________ Stage name: ________________ Agent: ______________ Attorney: ___________________ Sex: ___male ___female ___formerly male ___formerly female ___both If female, indicate breast implant size: ____ Will the size of your implants hinder your ability to safely operate a motor vehicle in any way? Yes___ No ___ Please list brand of cell phone: __________________ (If you don’t own a cell phone, please explain.) Please check hair color: Females: [ ] Blonde [ ] Platinum Blonde Teenagers: [ ] Purple [ ] Blue [ ] Skinhead Please indicate activities you perform while driving: (Check all that apply) [ ] Eating [ ] Applying make-up [ ] Talking on the phone [ ] Slapping kids in the back seat [ ] Applying cellulite treatment to thighs [ ] Tanning [X] Snorting cocaine (already checked for ease of application) [ ] Watching TV [ ] Reading Variety magazine [ ] Surfing the net via laptop Please indicate how many times a) You expect to shoot at other drivers: _____ b) You expect to be shot at while driving: _____ Please turn your test in to the lady behind the bulletproof virtual window on your left.

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For more California humour, visit Rejected State Mottos, Aha Jokes! California page (source of the driver’s license application above), and my latest discovery, the Uncyclopedia California entry.  As always, if you’re looking for a more serious and sedate look at California, a malaysian abroad points you to wikipedia.

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